He blinked hard, shook his head and slowly said "w-o-w." His expression was a melange of astonishment, disappointment, and tired resignation.
Obviously, we have been married a long time.
We know each other very well and are almost always very happy, but we're past the era of smoke and mirrors. We've seen each other at our best and our worst and are well beyond any hope of pretense. We have boundaries -- which I appear to have crossed with my ankle jeans -- but we are very comfortable together. Still we manage to surprise each other, for better and for worse.
SJ surprised me when he phoned me last night.
"Where are you?!!" he demanded.
"I'm almost home," I said.
"Where were you?" he asked, still confused.
"The outlets," I replied. "Like I told you."
"I didn't know you'd gone."
"What do you mean?" I asked, surprised. "I told you I was going, and that I would be back to put the kids to bed. I came upstairs to kiss you goodbye. I kissed Serena on her head and said 'Be a good girl for Daddy.' Then I kissed you on your head and said 'Be a good girl for Serena.' We all laughed about it and then I left.'
"Oh. I thought you were just leaving the room," he said.
REALLY? Leaving the room??? I have not kissed that man goodbye when I left a room since 1997.
Granted, SJ was exhausted last night, and he has had a hard week. Nevertheless I am continually gobsmacked by the communication problems that can persist between us -- two seemingly rational, articulate people.
I'll admit that some of our misunderstandings are my fault (not often, but I'm attempting to appear fair and balanced.) I occasionally forget to tell him about an appointment or event, or I may leave out an important detail or request.
Sometimes he will tell you it's a terminology problem on my part. It's my fault that the new songs aren't on my iPod, because I asked him to "load the CD onto the computer," not "input or rip the songs into iTunes." (I can make the hairs on the back of his neck stand up by asking him to "Google" something for me [it's a BRAND, Sweetie, not just a search engine!])
In the case of the outlet shopping trip, though, I'm pointing the finger straight at him. I told him where, when, and why I was leaving, and kissed him goodbye. With the possible exception of tatooing a map on his forehead or carrying a GPS tracking device, I think I did the best I could to explain my whereabouts.
Perhaps the misunderstandings are part of our secret sauce; the reason God made us residents of Mars and Venus. Maybe unpredictability keeps the mystery alive as familiarity tries to breed contempt. So what if our resulting arguments seem more Dumb and Dumber than Hepburn and Tracy?
He surprised me again this morning. He played Will Smith's "Just the Two of Us" for Bennett and proceeded to get a little misty during one of the world's schmaltziest hip hop songs. The unexpected combination of absurdity and sweetness was irresistible.
Ironically, that's the kind of man that's worth pulling up my pants. Maybe I'll even kiss him once in a while when I leave the room.
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