My Bad

Christmas is a great time for making amends, so I'd like to take a moment to apologize to you, Dear Reader.

In 2007 I blogged about the movie Dan In Real Life, with Steve Carell. I recommended it, calling it "Not as bad as you'd think," and "surprisingly enjoyable."

I remembered this impression more than the actual movie, so last week I coerced my husband into watching it with me on TV. It wasn't that hard; SJ is a relatively good sport about watching the occasional chick flick, though I suspect it's with an ulterior motive. Like most men, he sees this as an addition to his foreplay tally. The theory is simple: it won't get you a free pass, but it can tip the balance in your favor. See also: doing the dishes, foot rubs, "you look pretty today," etc.

Anyway, there was nothing else on TV, so he sat down beside me.

We missed the first twenty minutes of Dan, and the first sentence we caught was a sign of the schmaltz that was to come. Dan is apologizing for being a jerk.

"I'm sorry. I was way, way out of line." - Dan
"No, you're never out of line; you're my brother," replies Mitch.

Really? I can't remember that my brother was IN line. What kind of bullshit family is this? I refuse to suspend my disbelief for this!

Over the next seventy minutes, Dan treated us to the joys and pain of life according to Hallmark. There was saccharine sweetness - family aerobics on the lawn! a family talent show! - and the poignant moments of loss (Dan is a widower with three daughters. Yes, the youngest girl makes the requisite collage to her mother with the new girlfriend). No one ever bickers or complains that there are about twenty people staying in a small cottage with two bathrooms and no dishwasher.

When it was over, SJ didn't know what to think. I think he felt cheated, bored, and annoyed by the attempted emotional manipulation. As the credits rolled, his next three comments were:

"That @&*$ sucked," followed shortly by "Thanks, Sweetie. Now I'm going to make you watch me surf webpages," and "That's two hours we'll never get back."

I'm not sure that it was that bad, but it wasn't that good. I just want to retract my recommendation before anyone else gets hurt.

And maybe you shouldn't read movie reviews from someone who sees a non-animated movie in the theater about once a year. (Well, I'm hopeful; I've still got two weeks to squeeze on into 2009!)

BTW, just watched The Proposal on DVD. I liked it, and actually laughed out loud a few times. Look for my retraction in 2011.