Jesus Saves

I hope you don't find this post sacrilegious. It really isn't supposed to be. Still, if you didn't laugh in Talladega Nights when Cal said "I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party," you'd best skip this one. Personally, I like to picture Jesus with a healthy sense of humor...

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We had a lovely time this Friday night. It was my sister Kaye's pre-wedding sisters weekend. My other sister, Melisssa, flew in from LA and we had girls-only fun and frivolity -- shopping, movies, and dancing, ending in yesterday's bridal shower.

Dancing was definitely a high point. We decided to go to a gay bar, where we expected to enjoy good music, nice decor, and handsome men - from a distance. We just wanted to be left alone to dance.

Turns out that Jesus had the same idea. In this case, Jesus was an adorable 21-year-old who also just wanted to dance and not be hassled by aggressive men. After we realized that he was harmless, friendly, and a kick-ass dancer (which we are not, but we appreciate in others), we widened our circle, and he was our friend for the night.

Not the least in Jesus' positive traits was his name. Although his is a very common name in the Spanish-speaking world, three white girls from Michigan couldn't help but enjoy the heck out of it, especially when you can use it in sentences like "Jesus was an awesome dancer!" and "Who knew that we'd find Jesus in a bar?" and "No one bothered us while we were dancing; I think maybe Jesus was watching over us."

Good times.

It's not the first time that Jesus has provided comedy in my life. Here are just a few examples that come to mind:

• My long-haired cousin does a mean Jesus impression.
• My mother has a portrait in her kitchen that we refer to as "Tasty Jesus" just to get her goat.
  
• My high school boyfriend's father looked just like Jesus, except with intense blue eyes (like movie Nazis always have), though that was more creepy than funny, especially when he was mad. It was like he and God were both pissed at you...
• My son's babysitter had a realistic painting of Jesus' face sitting on her nightstand, and I asked if that was her husband. I knew better, but the look on her face was pretty priceless.

My favorite example happened several years ago when my aunt sent my mother a blank quilt square and some fabric pens. Auntie asked my family to decorate the quilt for her husband, Uncle Don, whose sixtieth birthday was looming. Mom set us down at the table and set us to the task.

My sisters took the lead, drawing pictures and writing "Happy Birthday! It's a big one!" in big, bright letters across the top.

Once we were done, my mother called Auntie and let her know that we had completed our task and were ready to pop it in the mail. After she hung up, she came back in with a perplexed look on our face.

Turns out that the "birthday" quilt square we had just decorated was Uncle Don's Christmas present. We took in this new info, silently trying to figure out how we could salvage our only quilt square.

"I know!" Kaye announced, picking up the pen. With one word, she solved our dilemma. The square now reads "Happy Birthday Jesus! It's a big one!"

I bet Uncle Don scratched his head about that quilt square, pondering why Jesus's 2003rd birthday was a "big one," but the Christmas theme was preserved, and the gift was a hit.

Once again, Jesus saved.