Monday, October 20, 2008


I have a few male friends who read my blog. Obviously they read because they are either extremely bored or very good sports, since I'm sure they don't care about my usual topics, like minivans, Costco chicken, or coupons. The worst is when I write about personal -- particularly female -- issues. Like a twin who senses his brother's pain, I can feel them cringing from miles away.

I regret their discomfort, but I am both an artist and a muckraker; I cannot be stifled or silenced. I must express myself for my own creative needs and for the greater good.

That's why I need to tell you that I am currently wearing puce-colored panties.

They didn't start out as puce. Until this morning, in fact, they were a neutral, unoffensive, flesh tone. They weren't my favorite pair, but they were a serviceable choice for everyday. This morning I decided to wash said skivvies with a new, lovely blue blanket sent to us by my Hungarian Stepmother-In-Law.

I now have a clean, new, lovely, blue blanket and several newly-tinted articles of clothing. The good news is that my jeans are now a darker, more flattering shade of midnight blue. The bad news is that I'm sporting puce panties.

You may not know that "puce" is French for "flea." It's from the Latin "pulex," or "flea." It seems that when naming colors, with the whole world available for inspiration, the French decided that bland purplish-brown reminded them most of fleas. I guess it's not that surprising; the French bring their dogs everywhere!

By the transitive property, this means that my underpants are vermin-colored.

Very hot. Because nothing says "sexy" like underwear that evokes a small, wingless, insect.

Come to think of it, I may have found my new "headache" lingerie. Thank you, toxically dyed, newly cleaned Hungarian blanket! I guess SJ won't be rushing home tonight although, on the up side, they are clean.

So there you have it. Two lessons for the day: a little etymology and a cautionary tale about washing Hungarian blankets. Please, learn from my mistake!

And for my male friends, I'm sorry that you had to learn one more thing about me that you never wanted to know. Stay tuned; I'm sure that there'll be a manscaping or political post for you sooner or later.


cuff said...

Got here via a search for "puce colored panties." Or via or the other. Just wanted to say that for most men at least the color of the wrapping paper is not of the utmost importance...

And also you've more or less explained why my wife doesn't like my doing the laundry, or at least her laundry.

lacochran said...

"flesh tone" ... I think you mean "caucasion tone"

I, too, have a variety of tones to my underthings that started out as different tones. :)

LoCo Loca said...

Actually, the underpants were the color I wish my flesh was...a medium beige. More like one of Gaugin's Tahitian beauties, so watch the assumptions, buddy!

If I meant MY flesh color, I would have said "pasty white" instead.

Anonymous said...

It would've been sexier if you just said red panties.